TBH

I don't really have any excuses to not blog. I would say work and other things but everyone works and have things going on. 

From April till present day, a lot has happened good and bad. I fell, got up, and learned. Which is what life is generally about. It's all a learning process. I'm so far from perfect, I admit to all my flaws, and the bad habits I do when I'm scared, lost and confused. Sometimes I really do think there's something wrong with me, and sometimes I flaunt how freaking awesome I am. There's not really an in-between. 

But you wouldn't know that from my Instagram pictures, on social media we always post the good. I think me in my normal state, is eating something in bed while binge watching Chicago Med or Mr.Robot. 

Lately, I've been feeling weird ever since I got back from vacation like two weeks ago. I went to Antigua & Barbuda with one of my friends and we experienced a life changing event. We mourned the loss of someone our age, who we didn't know that checked into the resort 2 days after us. Unfortunately she died that evening and we witness the entire thing as it was happening. We saw Michelle take her last breath while her family was surrounding her. I just found out yesterday what the cause of death was, and it was a deep vein thrombosis (she had a cast on her foot, and they flew in from Canada, so long hours with an immobilized foot = to blood clot) It was the most traumatizing event I had to witness, to see someone actually die right in front of you...I was crying the entire time, I felt like I knew her. 

And then when I come back, I read the news about a mother who killed her two adult daughters with a gun in Katy, Texas. It's been too many losses too quick and then we have the shootings, and cops being shot and people of color being shot. Too much violence. Too many deaths. I'm not naive, I know people die every single say, some make it on the news and the majority don't even see the light of day.

All of these gun violence related incidents and death has been stirring up emotions in me I can't really comprehend about how my father died. If you guys didn't know, my father was brutally shot to his death when I was about 1 years old. I would try to tell my friends about how we should really enjoy life, what really matters is the quality of people in your life not the quantity, we need to live life and not take ourselves too seriously. 

But sometimes I feel like I need to vent or write out in words how I feel due to all these emotional triggers. Writing helps. Or having company helps too. I need a girls day with a bottle of wine. Just to get my mind off all the things that's happening in the world around us. 

 

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xo

Gerardine