Love like this

After 24 years of living this thing called life, I've come to a conclusion that the reason why we are here is to learn and experience everything in order for our souls and inner self to grow and love ourselves. You're probably judging me right now - "what is this new agey stuff Geri is talking about??" 

But it's actually pretty simple. I think as people we complicated everything, not on purpose well..sometimes we do self-sabotage ourselves. I know I'm pretty guilty of this. I'm a very upbeat and positive girl you wouldn't think that sometimes I feel as though I'm not deserving of things or even happiness. Why you ask? I'm still trying to figure out the root of that but I have improved! 

I have to say that the fact that I acknowledge this flaw has helped me slap myself in the face whenever I felt or sometimes feel that way. I would talk internally to myself and give myself affirmations or I would go to my best friend Bibi and she would hit me with some honest to god truths haha (Btw she never sugar coats anything, it's all either take it or leave it. Thats why she's my best friend). 

I think the ego sometimes lets you run wild with self doubts and fears. That's something I learned throughout my 20's. We shouldn't be afraid about talking about or facing these things, no one is perfect and no one actually knows what they're doing. This is literally trial and error until we figure out what works for us. 

Here's a perfect example of what I do - or more so used to do (like I said, I'm still trying to figure myself out lol). When someone liked me and they asked me out on a date I used to freak the fuck out internally. My friends as witnesses... I used to have anxiety and constantly asked them if it was okay for me to cancel or if I should tell them I'm not interested. Or even worse, I use to find the smallest flaw that the guy had and blow it up to epic proportions and used that as an excuse to stop talking to them.

And it had nothing to do with the guys. They were great, it was just me. I got to a point where I didn't want to deal with potential love interests because I was scared of getting hurt and the thought of trying to put myself together again was exhausting. I thought I was broken but Bibi always told me "Geri you're not broken, just a little bruised. You'll be okay." 

In all of that I learned that loving and nurturing yourself is the first step. I wake sometimes in the morning and I tell myself "damn I love myself" not in a cocky-im-better-than-everyone-kind-of-way. But in like a I-love-who-I-am-and-everything-I-did-to-become-the-current-Geri

I think once you do that, once you are aware of yourself everything else will follow and you become more compassionate towards yourself whether it be working towards a job goal or working towards a relationship. We deserve everything we set our minds to and when life breaks us down we shouldn't let it win because we deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy. 

That's where I go back to saying life is experiential. Just like that saying "you live and you learn."  That's exactly what we do in our course of existence. 

And for me I'm ready for anything life throws at me. Am I ready to date? oh most definitely, but I'm not making it my number one priority. I am ready to be serious with someone who feels the same way but I want it to happen organically. If it happens cool, and if it happens and it doesn't work out I know I'll be okay because there's one thing that's certain; there's no love like this than the love you have for yourself.  

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xo G